I wear my heart on my sleeve as people would say. Words can’t describe the current season that I am in but, I will try to share it with you the best as I can in this blog post.
Since the beginning of 2016 I’ve been on this constant emotional roller coaster. Many times I felt like I was going to explode and surprisingly I haven’t, mainly because I’ve kept some of God’s word in my heart. Anxiety, living in fear, feeling useless and so many other negative emotions, never in a million years I thought I will ever be in this position. I always viewed myself as someone who is fearless, an overcomer, wise and someone who loves to live in peace. I couldn’t understand and I questioned God where are these gloomy feelings coming from?
For a while now I was in denial about my feelings which lead to be a struggle. Being in denial about what I was going through had created a bigger hole in my life even with my relationship with God. It also formed other sins that are new to me, such as jealousy and comparing myself to others; Not only that but I became depressed and bitter too. I even had an excuse and blamed my monthly menstrual cycle for the way I was. Did you know being in denial about your struggles can blind you spiritually? I felt stuck and wondered how come. Even when I tried to face the problem I couldn’t overcome my situation because I then realized I was depending on my own strength and not on God’s. Here is a side note: “You must face the truth in order to live in truth”.
A friend of mine advised me to learn to give myself room to be sad and be negative because we can’t always be positive and so I did just that. I didn’t agree with that statement but I didn’t have any other solution at the time. Looking at my life now I don’t ever want to make room for my negativity or sadness again. Why would I create a room for the devil to dwell in? That’s how I personally feel. I do believe we can always be positive and yet still be aware of the reality that life isn’t fair and the enemy will attack you with all these negative emotions from time to time.
Another statement I don’t agree with is when people generally say “God wouldn’t give you what you couldn’t bear”. People tend to misinterpret what 1 Corinthians 10:13 is really trying to saying “The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure”. There is a difference in being tempted and struggling.
In Matthew 11:28-30 says “Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
I’ve reached my breaking point of this depressing season. I don’t want to battle with these feelings again or make room for it. I wanted to make room for the good things that was promised to me at the cross. I CAN NOT AND WILL NOT BEAR THESE STRUGGLES ANYMORE. I give it to you Lord. That scripture you just read Matthew 11:28-30 is saying whatever burdens that you have and can no longer carry give it to Yahweh (Jesus) and he will give you peace and rest.
Yes! You are strong and God can and will give you strength; but why do you feel the need to carry so much baggage? God sent his only Son on this earth for that reason, to be the one to carry our burdens, deliver us from our struggles including teaching us how to live Holy and reminding us of his unconditional love.
I want to encourage you readers whatever struggles you are dealing with first be honest with yourself and tell God, seek guidance from a righteous person, a spiritual leader who will honestly pray with and for you. Like that one popular gospel song “I’m trading my sorrows, I’m trading my shame, I’m laying them down for the joy of the Lord”.
TRADE IN ALL YOUR STRUGGLES AND FIND REST IN HIM.