Written in 2014
One thing I remember in my past growing up in a Christian home was, I would never pretend to be a Christian, it was either I was all in or not. Don’t get me wrong, I had a moment where I try, and I would be at the altar every week; I guess that’s the privilege of growing up in a Christian school. But! As soon as the service was done, back to my old wicked ways, cursing someone out, disrespecting the teachers, and just being a jerk in general.
Twice I was called out from two different students and it truly humbled me, also it put me to shame. For four years I lived my life in sin, and gave up being a Christian, even with a convicting heart. I became empty, lost, and feeling worthless, I disrespected my parents, lied, cheated, and was looking for love in all the wrong places. My sins had clouded my judgment on people, my sins cause pain to my family, my sins had distracted me from purpose in life.
Crazy how one sin can lead to another. Sin is selfish, and inconsiderate, sin makes it less about Jesus and more about you. Sin is never satisfied, and will crave your flesh daily. One night in my room, I was crying so hard I could feel my face heating up, I was outraged with myself and fed up with this empty void in my life. As I began to open my heart, I told God if you are real, if you really love me prove it, instantly the presence of God fell so hard in my room, and his holy spirit comfort me like I have never felt before.
I loved that feeling, being filled with the Holy Spirit. I wanted to keep the presences of God everywhere I go. Had no interested in losing it, so I kept it. I kept it by choosing Jesus, over sin. My lifestyle wasn’t perfect after I choose to be a follower of Christ, I still had temptations, and fell into them some time. But with God’s grace, and his holy spirit, I learn to move forward, with praying, feeding myself daily with his word and surrounding myself with successful Christians.
The things I’ve struggled those years, isn’t my struggle no more because I am set free. So now I can say I am a Believer because I am positively, 100% living for Christ and not for me and I learn this time to not be ashamed.
So the choice is yours. God or your sins?